This was the day we found out we were expecting our 2nd baby!
We had gone on a weekend trip with friends just days before this… we were eating dinner and I just had this wave go over me, I looked at my best friend and said “omg, I’m pregnant I know it.”
Fast forward a few days later and we were getting ready for family pictures with the amazing Karime! I don’t know what compelled me to take the test right then, but I did. I was just on the phone with my BFF and said “screw it I’m gonna do it.” I was 8 days before my missed period! Because I tested likely 50+ times when we were trying for Porter, I got to know my body really well and felt like it was definitely possible for a positive. 30 seconds later the 2nd line popped up. OMG ITS POSITIVE. I was in shock! If you’ve been a follower of this blog you’re aware of our past struggles with miscarriage and infertility. This was the 4th month we had tried and I just couldn’t believe it was happening again so soon! And of course then you have to take three more tests juuuuuuust to be sure!
Any family photos we ever have taken are a complete treasure to me, but these ones feel extra special. The day we found out we were adding another baby to the family, documented <3
We were so so so excited. But obviously reluctant. We have heard bad news more often than good when it comes to pregnancy so we were being cautious. My amazing OB followed my blood levels, we saw that hormones were rising accordingly and that helped my anxiety to hold me over until that first ultrasound.
And then the sickness set in…
With Porter I was super sick in the first trimester, so I knew these symptoms were a good sign. Its such a relief, but also like WHOA I can’t function, haha.
This blog has always been a place for me to be ME. Raw, myself, and authentic. So I am going to stay true to that!
I remember when we were trying to get pregnant with Porter how bad I wanted it. I yearned for it, so deep inside myself. Every pregnancy announcement, every baby shower, women “complaining” because they were morning sick, every mention of anything related to being parents completely crushed me. It was such a hard time and I will never ever forget how raw those feelings were.
This blog is titled “1st Trimester Update,” so lets dive in!
I’ve always been so intrigued and amazed at how pregnancy affects women differently. Some women don’t even know they are pregnant, some are nauseous and vomiting every day, some are hospitalized because the symptoms are so bad. It literally fascinates me.
I started feeling sick at 5 weeks. Nausea, food aversions, life sucking exhaustion, migraines. It was ROUGH. So the first time you’re pregnant you can care for yourself, rest, netflix, take time to recover from these symptoms. Not when you have a toddler! Weeks 5 - 16 were reallllllllly hard for me. Not only was I super sick, but I felt so horribly guilty that I was being such a medium mama for Porter. There were days the TV was on all day because I literally could not function otherwise. If it weren’t for my husband and my mom saving the day when it got unbearable, I don’t know how I would have survived.
5 Years ago I was diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and a Thyroid Condition. It has been a huge struggle for me. I seemingly went from a very active, workaholic, non stop moving 25 year old, to feeling like I was wearing a weighted bodysuit every day. Simple tasks like carrying laundry up the stairs, taking a walk, or being outside in the heat would deplete me to the point of muscle paralysis. I’ve been working really hard to manage these symptoms since my diagnosis, but I’d be lying if I said it doesn’t control my life. I have to be really careful about how much I exert myself, because if I go past whatever this limit that my body has set for me, I am bed ridden and completely depleted and ill for typically about four days. I’ve been hospitalized in the past, but its really the same thing every time, rest, take it easy, etc. Its been maddening considering my physically active career and our fast paced lifestyle, but its also taught me a lot about slowing down in general, which I think I really needed.
All of these symptoms have been completely amplified with pregnancy. There was a 10 week period where it felt like the only time I moved was to feed Porter, feed myself, or go to the bathroom. Add debilitating nausea and migraines on top of that, and some days felt honestly unbearable. Our house was a complete mess, it was true survival mode. And it really started to mess with my mental state. Feeling so physically ill every day, not getting outside, not being able to complete simple tasks, it really really challenged me. THANKFULLY, it has gotten SO MUCH BETTER….
We made it to our first ultrasound at 7 weeks and everything looked amazing. I cried. It was SUCH A RELIEF. And of course makes everything so real. We left with excitement and hope and started to have more confidence this was really going to happen for us again!
More very glamorous days ahead involving Porter and I snacking while watching animated movies. This time was also very challenging because we were in the middle of our bathroom renovation. So we had contractors in and out every single day. We ended up moving our mattress to the living room floor because they were in our room so much we just needed some space! Honestly, I think had this reno not been happening simultaneously I may have been able to survive much better. My dogs would bark every single time someone came in and out or went up the stairs, Porter’s naps were interrupted daily, and I could never rest because of the constant chaos. We’ve lived through a ton of renovations but I’m pretty sure our master bath takes the cake as the hardest! Always worth it in the end, but it is so hard to see the light when you’re in the thick of it! (Sharing our new space so soon, stay tuned!)
Literally embarrassed at the food I consumed during these weeks. WHY was I so obsessed with Sour Punch!?! Like I would literally go to the gas station and buy them, along with juice and soda. Disgusting! But you do what you gotta do to survive, am I right!? Also ate several cheesy gordita crunches (sub beef for beans!), lots of Olive Garden, french fries, whatever I could get down lets be honest. And DONT FORGET THE ZANTAC.
This is the day we found out baby was A BOY! We decided to go ahead and do the genetic testing (we didn’t with Porter) and were so relived to get the news that baby was healthy and normal for all they tested for! And of course so excited to find out the gender. I have truly loved being a boy mom. When my sister and I were kids we did legos and quads, motocross and boating. It feels fitting I’m a boy mama because I already feel so well versed in the topic from the great lessons from my dad. Nick and I would have been so incredibly happy with any gender, but I am so excited for Porter to have a forever best friend. (Porter literally already had his own dirt bike before he could even walk! haha) We have so many fun times ahead!
This is just a random fun day that Porter and I went to one of my all time favorite places, Lynd Fruit Farm just a few minutes from our house. Cant get the boy to eat a peach but they resemble balls so he had the time of his life throwing them haha.
I am almost 18 weeks now and feeling like a new person. I can finally eat green things again, our house has been a little cleaner, Porter and I have been able to get out some, its been amazing! Its crazy to me how absolutely life draining those first weeks are, and then slowly but surely you start to come back to life again. I’m still struggling with fatigue but I’m used to that so just listening to my body and resting when it needs to. All we can do is our best! I am just so grateful to feel “normal-ish” again and get back to the things we love doing as a family.
It was so hard to get and stay pregnant when we were trying for Porter that we really braced ourselves for what the future might hold in trying to grow our family again. It really does feel like a miracle that this is happening to us, twice. I know that this is not promised to me, and we still have a long way to go, but I am going to cherish every day that I feel those little kicks and stay hopeful that this baby will be meeting us in January. As always we are so thankful for the love and support we’ve been shown on this very unpredictable ride that is parenthood! XOXO - ashley
